Being Bipolar
05 Apr 2011 6 Comments
in Awareness, Inspiration, Life, Me, mental health, Relationships Tags: Behavior, mental health, Moods, support
Racing thoughts abound;
watch them as they swirl around,
can’t stop their endless flow;
uncertain as to where they’ll go…
You see I’m just simply bipolar,
While there’s no set formula,
I’m definitely far from regular
At times I’m very peculiar,
The bi in my diagnoses,
Isn’t what the masses see,
It just refers to the polarity,
Sudden mood changes especially,
But the bi only refers to two,
Multi would best describe the slew,
Most wouldn’t even have a clue,
Of the vast changes that I go thru
Teetering on the verge of insanity,
Precociously dangling on a bunjee ,
Harnesses not latched securely,
Imminent demise is a certainty.
Coursing thru life ignored & undetected,
Feeling so hurt & dejected
More often than not so neglected,
Longing to 1 day be respected…
So many words were left unspoken;
So many promises that were broken;
So many desires never awakened,
And my existence remains forsaken.
This disorder isn’t at all glamorous,
Or even remotely humorous,
Its effects are so numerous,
Left untreated its dangerous!
So if I should die tonight,
please know that I fought the fight,
Though noone even heard my plight,
I have tried to do what’s right….
Seek help before its too late,
This dx shouldn’t seal your fate,
Don’t think it will dissipate,
Trust me I can relate…
Che’ #BPB™
www.bipolarcentral.com
www.pendulum.org
www.bipolarclues.com
http://bit.ly/fXV7G7
Storming Inside
13 Sep 2010 2 Comments
in Life, love, Me, mental health, Relationships, Uncategorized Tags: Destruction, Emotions, Pain, Wrath
When I’m storming inside,
There’s nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,
Please hold on for the ride,
Destruction rages far & wide…
Because I’m storming inside
Nothing is safe from Hurricane Che’,
There’s No telling what I’ll do or say,
Please try to stay out of my way,
Take every precaution to keep me at bay…
When there’s a storm inside
You’ll all soon discover,
That when these black clouds hover,
You all better run for cover,
Even you my lover…
Because I’m storming inside
You’ll never be a match for me,
Just watch and you shall see,
I will have No pity,
For this is your destiny…
You made me Storm inside
You’ll rue the day you incurred my wrath,
Destroying everything that’s in my path,
Hell’s fire and fury you definitely hath,
Nothing to save you not a Holy water bath!
The storm is raging inside
Six dozen Roses strewn in my wake,
How much more madness should I take,
Me calm down, for goodness sake,
Severed all that was at stake…
The storm brews inside
Gale force winds of epic proportions,
Hurling shit in every direction,
Spreading nothing but mass destruction,
As you await my final decision…
Still Storming inside…
Hasta que sofocar la tormenta
Che’ xoxo
Grrrrrr
25 Jun 2010 3 Comments
in Me, mental health, Uncategorized Tags: attitude, bullshit, wtf
Ok so I guess its ranting time! For those of you who aren’t familiar with the bipolar experience its a few minutes of Your day, where I rant about what the hell ever is on my mind!
Today started out like any other Summer day, hot and muggy as hell! (Is hell Muggy? Somebody get at me!)
Anyhoo I had a busy day scheduled. Today is my only daughter’s 8th birthday, tomorrow is her party= mommy got a lot of stuff to do!
I ran to Walmart to pick up a few things, then it was on to Shoprite.
I get to Shoprite the damn store is Naked! It seems like I have the Worst luck with Shoprite, everytime I go there its either packed or out of whatever it is I need. But yet I keep going (smfh, such a glutton for punishment)
Today it was a combination of both, so I decide I’ll run over to Target & Wegmans since they’re nearby…
As I’m making my way out the store I see this buffalippo (cross between a buffalo & hippo) (yes I got jokes!) Named Tyefa, we don’t like each other; correction she doesn’t like me Idgaff @ her more aptly describes it.
So she’s running her mouth a mile a minute as usual so I walk past ignoring the blob so she stops mid sentence n says “everytime I see the bitch I be wantin’ to go in her mouth”.
*hold up* Is this hoe talkin to me? So I said “bitch u got somethin’ to say?”
*Crickets*
So I repeated myself in case she didn’t hear me the 1st time…
Pregnant Silence…
I guess she must have figured that today wasn’t the day to be fuckin with me cuz she remained silent. (Or was she observing what seemed like an ion of silence for MJ?) Idk?!
I figured she had made a wise choice.
So I kept my happy ass moving, on to Wegmans I go.
While there I realized I lost my wallet. Now I’m Super pissed.
I retraced my steps, to no avail.
I called Rushcard, they can’t replace my card till next week nor can they send me any $$.
(Idfk why they wouldn’t allow me to transfer funds to my bank acct!)
Plus the $200 cash I had in the Wallet was now gone as well.
Oh fuckin well, gotta take an L on that cause!
So I go to the bank; get some Cash to continue the Shopping, who do I run into at Costco? Tyefa!
Now she has her sister whom I call Muck Muck (she stays with a Murky looking neck) with her, so they being all loud nshit laughing & carrying on, mind you I’m by myself, waiting 4 my mom & my kids. I’m igging these hoes…
These tricks were obviously feeling froggy, but little did they know I hate frogs & won’t hesitate to squash ‘em.
If it aint directed; it aint respected. No one called my name.
So I’m going about my business, then my mom & kids arrive. I have a cart full of stuff by the time they got there, as we’re heading to the register our paths crossed, with the bison.
This hoe Tyefa ran her cart clean da fuck over my sons foot! And had the balls to laugh talking bout watch where you’re goin’.
Within seconds she was dealt an eardrum shattering round of tinitis! I cocked back and smacked the fire out that hoe! I swear the earwax popped outta her ear! I kid you not! She just stood there holding her ear looking dazed!
Muck Muck was standing there stuck on stupid lookin’ like she was bout to cry nshit. Security came over, they had seen what happened prior to the smackdown, they called EMS & the Police…
Once Tyefa heard 50 was coming her & Muck Muck tried to bounce! Oh no hoe! I pushed my full, heavy ass cart right into those hoes! Muck Muck got hit in the stomach & Tyefa tripped & fell over her just as 50 got there!
Idgaff who saw what I did! She lucky she aint get a hood style beat down! She got an aggravated assault charge cuz his foot was bleeding (something about the presence of blood changed the charge from simple to aggravated assault).
I wasn’t charged but I did call my attorney and advised him of the situation before we left the store…
The scratch was cleaned, antiseptic applied, bandaged, iced & elevated. He’ll be fine.
I don’t respect no punk ass shit like that. You got a problem with me you step to me. My kids aint got a fuckin’ thing to do with it.
I’ll straight body a bitch for my kids! Don’t believe me? Test me!
Woooossssaaaaahhhhhh
So now I didn’t finish my shopping, so I’ll have to be up extra early to get this shit done then come back to set up for the party!
I’m extra aggravated!
These hoes be thinkin’ somethin’ sweet, they’ll fuck around & get something they aint bargained for!
In closing I state for the umpteenth time, I hate stupid people!
Stupidity is rampant, hopefully not contagious, because I’m highly allergic!
#Thatsall
Until the next episode,
I remain, hopelessly bipolar!
Che’
xoxo
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.
Its me not you
11 May 2010 5 Comments
in Funny, Life, love, Me, mental health, NSA, Uncategorized
It’s a quote most of us have had directed towards us,
I never had, I’m usually the one uttering this dreaded phrase.
To be quite honest, more often than not its true…
I’ve become bored and see no need to prolong the inevitable…
It’s not working, nor was it ever gonna work,
playtime is over, move on…
You deserve someone way better than me.
I am flawed and can readily accept that,
to ask you to lower your standards is unfathomable!
I would never! I just want the best for you and that definitely isn’t me…
Theres’s no need to get all attached and shit,
I’m emotionally unavailable #DND
You deserve someone who will love and care for you,
That someone isn’t me…
When someone shows you who they are believe them…
The first time!
#Imjustsayin #Ibeknowin
Understanding Bipolar Disorder
26 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in mental health Tags: bipolar, depression, health, manic, mental health, mood swings, screenings
This is a topic very close to my heart. I am Bipolar, I have been all of my life.
Being Bipolar is not a death sentence, it can be effectively managed, by therapy, medication, holistic remedies, either in whole or part.
I am not on any medication. I know and understand what my triggers are, and I manage them quite effectively, sometimes….
By exposing my truth, I hope that this may help some people who may realize that there is a problem, but are not sure what to do about it, maybe this can help you to make the first step….
Here is one of the quizes that can be used to help you identify if the symptoms you are experiencing are possibly those of Bipolar Disorder.
Welcome to the Goldberg Bipolar Spectrum Screening Questionnaire, a Screening Test for Bipolar Spectrum Disorders..
This 12-question self-test may help you become aware of some signs and symptoms of bipolar spectrum disorders. It is designed to screen for the possibility of a disorder in the bipolar spectrum in individuals, 18 or older, who have had at least one depression severe enough to have caused them distress and/or interfered with their functioning at home, work, school or in their interpersonal relationships. In other words, this quiz assumes that you have already experienced a depressive episode. Please read our disclaimer on psychological testing and our psychological testing privacy guarantee.
**Completing this Questionnaire does not qualify as medical advice, please seek the advice of qualified medical personnel, this is for informational purposes only!**
***Completing this Psychological Screening Test***
To take the questionnaire, please click the radio button next to the selection which best reflects how each statement applies to you. The items refer to how you have felt and behaved over much of your life. If you have usually felt one way, and have recently changed, your responses should reflect how you have USUALLY felt.
Take the Quiz
Please note: This test will only be scored correctly if you answer each one of the questions.
The 12 items below refer to how you have felt and behaved over much of your life. Choose the appropriate button.
1. At times I am much more talkative or speak much faster than usual.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
2. There have been times when I was much more active or did many more things than usual.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
3. I get into moods where I feel very speeded up or irritable.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
4. There have been times when I have felt both high (elated) and low (depressed) at the same time.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
5. At times I have been much more interested in sex than usual.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
6. My self-confidence ranges from great self-doubt to equally great overconfidence.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
7. There have been GREAT variations in the quantity or quality of my work.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
8. For no apparent reason I sometimes have been VERY angry or hostile.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
9. I have periods of mental dullness and other periods of very creative thinking.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
10. At times I am greatly interested in being with people and at other times I just want to be left alone with my thoughts.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
11. I have had periods of great optimism and other periods of equally great pessimism.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
12. I have had periods of fearfulness and crying and other times when I laugh and joke excessively.
- Not at all
- Just a little
- Somewhat
- Moderately
- Quite a lot
- Very much
About Scoring this Psychological Questionnaire
Scoring:
- 0 points Not at all
- 1 point Just a little
- 2 points Somewhat
- 3 points Moderately
- 4 points Quite a lot
- 5 points Very much
Roughly speaking, the higher the score, the higher probability of a bipolar spectrum disorder, as opposed to major (unipolar) depression. When your quiz is scored, one of 3 different information pages will appear to describe the results for scores in your range.
Remember, this quiz assumes that you have already experienced a depressive episode.
Here are the results from my test…..
These Are Your Bipolar Spectrum Disorder Screening Questionnaire Results..
Bipolar Spectrum Disorder Screening Questionnaire Results: the results of this psychological quiz are described below. Please be sure to check our testing disclaimer and our privacy guarantee.
Bipolar Spectrum Disorder Screening Questionnaire Results: the results of this psychological quiz are described below. Please be sure to check our testing disclaimer and our privacy guarantee.
Goldberg Bipolar Spectrum Screening Questionnaire Answers
I have a total score of: 42 (25 or Above, Bipolar Spectrum)
Individuals with total scores of 25 or above have a high probability of suffering from a bipolar spectrum disorder. (Remember, this quiz assumes that you are 18 or over and have had at least one depression severe enough to have caused you distress and/or interfered with you functioning at home, work, school or in your interpersonal relationships.)
If you would like to take this psychological screening test again, just click to return to the test. Alternatively, please read on below for additional information on how this test was scored, for notes on limitations of this and other such quizzes, and for links to other related resources.
Additional Information
Scoring:
- 0 points Not at all
- 1 point Just a little
- 2 points Somewhat
- 3 points Moderately
- 4 points Quite a lot
- 5 points Very much
Roughly speaking, the higher the score, the higher probability of a bipolar spectrum disorder, as opposed to major (unipolar) depression.
Remember, this quiz assumes that you have already experienced a depressive episode.
Screening test scoring ranges:
- 0-15 Major/unipolar depression
- 16-24 Major Depression or a Disorder in the Bipolar Spectrum
- 25 or Above, Bipolar Spectrum
The Goldberg Bipolar Spectrum Screening Questionnaire was developed by Dr Ivan Goldberg, MD.
For additional information on depression, please see our guide to the symptoms of depression, and our general information about depression. For additional information on bipolar disorder
, please see our guide to symptoms of manic depression. Information on both bipolar disorder and depression is contained within our guide to mood disorders.
Our online counselling and online therapy service is also available.
Important Note About Psychological Screening Tests
Always consult with a trained mental health professional if you are experiencing depressive feelings and/or difficulties in your daily functioning that cause you anxiety or worry.
This test is meant to be used as a starting point, not as a diagnosis tool. This score is not intended as a mental disorder diagnosis, or as any type of healthcare recommendation.
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