Enablers


GM World!

I hope today finds you all in great health & spirits!
Yesterday I had the pleasure of talking with someone who was so inspirational, they moved me to tears.

In our conversation they broke down to me how more often than not we think that some one is being irresponsible & we are partially to blame.
I couldn’t see how this was possible as everyone should be accountable for their own actions, or lack thereof.

We as friends always want to help our friends in their times of need. We want to comfort them when they’re in pain, dry their tears when they cry, be their backbone when they need it.

What are they doing to help themselves? What are you allowing them to accomplish on their own? Ask yourself that question.

If you had someone to rescue you everytime the going got rough, would you able to weather any storm that came your way? Or would you expect an umbrella to be opened at the 1st raindrop?

Often times we care so much for others we don’t want to see them struggle so we swoop in and rescue them at the first sign of distress.
While most appreciate it, a lot begin to take it for granted. They act as if its your DUTY to help them.

When you continually come to their rescue they don’t have to become responsible. They have you to do it for them. If I had some one to rescue me I’d love it, but alas I don’t.

I know that I personally have been an enabler for way too long. I thought that by sparing others from stressing unnecessarily would aid in their growth. I was wrong, all it did was make them rely on the fact that I’d come to their aid.

I’ve even made excuses for their lack of accountability. Siting the fact that they’re going through a tough time & everyone deserves a break, that they’re just misunderstood.

I readily offered a litany of excuses in their defense. Their issues became mine, like I don’t have enough of my own to deal with.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t pay it forward whenever possible, but make wise informed decisions.

Then there are those that genuinely deserve to be helped. They are trying as hard as they might but the odds are stacked against them, yet they keep pressing on, determined to make it through.

They take nothing & noone for granted. They appreciate any kind words, gestures & support, be it moral or financial that comes their way.

Know that there are issues they must address themselves.
“It is said that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.”

Sometimes the best way to be a friend is just by listening and or offering moral support.

I refuse to be an enabler anymore.
If you aren’t willing to help yourself,
Please tell me why should I?
Just something to think about…

Though we may have the best intentions at heart, enabling stunts ones’ growth.
Most learn from experience.
Afford them that opportunity.

Live, Laugh, Love & Learn
All the best,

I’ll remain hopelessly bipolar,
Che’ xoxo

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One thought on “Enablers

  1. Hello,
    very interesting to find this article by pure chance. I got a few articles on my blog that relate to this topic on of them is http://ottjo.wordpress.com/2011/01/17/my-childhood/
    I was sure I did another one on an issue you raised about enabling people or instead helping them or doing the work for them in such or similar wording.
    It taken me a long time to logically work this out but, if you feel that you don’t want to be fully responsible for your life you should go and help others. The problems of others often are terrible and shocking to us but keep in mind someone else may very well think the same of your problems. There is a saying that if you could choose a bag of troubles you always end up choosing your own.
    May it seems terrible to us, yet it is only the problems the person choose to have or see; yes you could say this is not true but it is true to the individual. Let me explain, you see a person who has both arms missing and working away the best they can, you go up and ask them what is their real problem and he may very well answer that he has a problems with his chest. He doesn’t even think of his arms as a problem. It is you who thinks “obviously” that is his problem because it would be to you. Kids must experience real life from year one.

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